Totally Coached, Inc.

How much unnecessary pain would be eliminated from our lives if everyone learned what this nurse learned?

A nurse who was learning Intrinsic Coaching® was brought into a situation involving a man who was "stubbornly refusing" to put his mother into hospice care.  By doing so, he was prolonging his mother's suffering and depriving someone else of the bed.  Day after day, no progress had been made in changing this man's mind and now it was her turn to try to get him to do what seemed obvious to everyone but him that he should do. 

As she started talking to him, she intentionally chose to regard him as capable, creative, and complete, something that she had to do so she could see more than what others told her about him, which just happened to make sense to her, too.  Doing so, of course, changed how she talked to him and that was essential to what followed. 

When she asked him what was important to him regarding his mother's care, out came the story that no one knew.  His mother had adopted him when he was old enough to know that she was rescuing him.  She had been dedicated to him from that point on, never wavering in her love, even though he needed to be rescued over and over until he finally became the man she had always seen in him.  Now, a team of healthcare professionals were asking him to give up on the woman who had never given up on him.  He just couldn't do it. 

The nurse's internal dialogue - her systemic thinking - gave her the impulse to start trying to convince him that he wouldn't be giving up on her but she recognized it as just that - her trying to get him to replace his thoughts with hers, which is what everyone else had already been trying to do and judging him for refusing.  So, instead, she was quiet and listened some more. 

Then she told him she was going to change his mother's dressings and asked him if he wanted to come and help.  He said he did.  As she changed his mother's dressings, he saw a part of his mother's experience he hadn't seen before.  Before he had always been asked to leave and now he had been asked to be a part of it.  As they talked, he asked her questions and she answered them and she also asked him in different ways and regarding different details what he was wanting for his mother's care. 

By the time his mother's dressings were changed, she had come to see him more clearly and fully than before.  How sad, she thought, that judging him had seemed more sensible than asking him what he was wanting.  And how grateful she was for her new thinking and skills because by asking him what he was wanting he gained clarity, too, and saw his mother, himself, and their relationship in a more clear and full light than before.  

His mother had dedicated everything she had to protect him from pain and surround him with all the comfort that she, as a loving mother, could provide.  Now it was his turn to do the same for her, to protect her from pain and surround her with comfort, as only her loving son could do.  

It would be in a hospice environment, one that would best support him in giving his mother all that he wanted for her in his love and gratitude for all she had wanted for him.

This story was told to Christina Marshall, founder of the Intrinsic Coaching® methodology.  June, 2009

© 2009 Totally Coached, Inc. All rights reserved

When I work with an athlete I am always aware that I am working with a person, a whole person and not just a slice of that person.

When I work with an athlete I am always aware that I am working with a person, a whole person and not just a slice of that person. The whole person comes to the field or the gym or the track, not just their body but their mind and spirit as well and as an Intrinsic Coach®  knows, most of what they bring is beyond what I can see.

This was revealed to me again today in a beautiful way during a training session with one of the young people I train. She competes as a track athlete at the college level. She was originally recruited by her university as a sprinter but competed in a field event last year. When she returned from school this spring she asked if I would help her train to return to sprinting. Her love for sprinting is intrinsic in the truest sense of that word and to watch her run is a thing of beauty. It is power and grace and rhythm and you can see her come fully alive when she takes off.

A year away from the sprints has left her with a gap in her training. Closing the gap between where she was in May and where she wanted to be by this first week of August  was her goal.

We had our second to the last session today. It came at the end of a heavy week. We were working on her start and coming out of the blocks - a critical part of the race it’s a combination of power, technique, and relaxed concentration. It had been a long time since she had used the blocks so we began slowly finding her position and getting comfortable.

Then, it was time to give it a go. She rose up in the blocks and took off. Her postion was good, her technique was fine but there was no explosion. She walked back to the starting line, head down, frowning. I asked what she noticed and she said she felt no power, felt slow. I asked to to think for a moment about what she was wanting from the start. She said she wanted to apply so much force at the start that the blocks would literally be kicked out from under her.  She took a moment to picture that, then stepped back to the line and took another start. Again, her technique looked fine and I asked if that was closer to what she was wanting. She said no. Then her eyes started watering and she stared up at the sky.

I left the silence there for a little while as she wiped a way a sniffle. We walked past the starting line and then back and when we stopped I asked her to tell me what was important to her about being able to kick those blocks away. When she saw herself starting so powerfully what was she wanting in that moment? “ I want to be right there with the other girls, she said. I’m always fast on my relay splits and once I get up to speed I’m great but I’ve never been good with my start so my coaches wont take me seriously for the open events. I want to be able to compete in the open events. I just really love to race.” And then she cried a little more.

That little snippet of a conversation told me more than the video tape or watching her sprint, or tracking her times and numbers. I hate to sound like a cliche but the working arena grew infinitely in that moment because I was able to be in synch with her in a way that allowed us to work with more than what was “merely apparent”.

I just waited while she took a little walk. When she returned to the starting line she asked if she could try starting with her other leg forward. So she did. It was better. Then I asked to try starting without the blocks. She was faster. I asked what she was thinking given the differences. Her conclusion was that the problem was somewhere in the way she was in the blocks. “ And is that saying anything to you,” I asked? “ That I can get better at this,” she said. Then she started to smile, just a little.

We packed up, left the track for the weight room, finished a short workout then sat down to wrap up. We talked about what we could emphasize in the next training cycle and she began to see connections and how those connections would keep moving her toward her goal. Her goals and her thinking were starting to lead the way and the confidence and power and grace she shows on the track were showing themselves in her posture and her voice and her eyes. The starting blocks were just an obstacle. The important thing was the goal and the process and she was in charge of that because she could make choices that would help her get better.

Our conversation will continue, even when she is back at school and her thinking is continuing even as I write this. Knowing what she wants, and being in tune with that part of her that just really loves to race brings her to a place that is at once both powerful and peaceful. The goal is clearer and much bigger than any obstacles along the way.

A friend of mine says that perhaps as an Intrinsic Coach® we are a catalyst. We aren’t the elements, they are in and around and unique to the coachee. We aren’t the reaction because as we know it is the coachee who does the work and accomplishes the results. Maybe our coaching allows those elements to come together for the coachee in a way that can spark them forward toward the fullness of the person they are meant to be.

PS:  I believe there is something bigger at work in us and through us when we are serving as that catalyst.

Tim Clark,  C.S.C.S., Intrinsic Coach®, is the owner of Kick It Training in Chaska , MN

As a result of learning Intrinsic Coaching®...

I am taking these important learnings with me:

-To recognize and work with more than what’s merely apparent. By keeping that in mind I’m a better listener, better friend, better parent, better everything.

-This is just the beginning. Learning IC® has opened a new adventure. It’s been such a personal experience for me as I’ve benefited from clarity and the focus that brings. Intrinsic Coaching® will forever impact the services a I offer. New thinking always evolves into something.

-This has been an amazing experience! It's restored a lot of faith I have in the world, in people and in myself. It's put light, beauty and hope in a world that was looking dark and bleak. It's essential to the way we work with people. Because of Intrinsic Coaching® people can reach places they couldn't normally reach. This is a paradigm shift that is important for the world.

-I’m taking with me a whole new way of interacting with people. Making the choice, listening with service and giving space for people to complete their thoughts is powerful. It’s a way of living for me and something I use in daily interactions. This series has far overreached my expectations and the potential I saw in it. It’s incredible!

-The biggest learning I have now is the ability to make the choice to regard people as capable, creative and complete as well as listening with a spirit of service. It has impacted the coaching I do as well as my personal life in a positive way.

-In learning IC® I’ve learned a lot about myself. It’s helped me grow up and mature. By making the choice I have a whole new outlook when it comes to people. It’s helped me be a better communicator and have better results in all parts of my life.

-The two things that stand out the most to me is making the choice and working with more than is merely apparent. It gives opportunity for the whole person to appear instead of just a category or diagnosis. I’m working with a person and not just an image of a person. By tapping into best thinking a person can find their truths.

-I’m taking so much with me. One piece that is particularly important to me is the spirit of service. By choosing to work with a spirit of service it guides me and opens up conversations so quickly allowing that person to discover and gain clarity on what’s important.

-The important lessons I learned is to work beyond what’s on the surface, to work with what’s not apparent; to be trusting of myself, the methodology and the coachee; and making the choice. In doing so it allows people to explore and find clarity in their thoughts.

-This way of thinking has opened up so much! In learning Intrinsic Coaching® I appreciate the time for the development and unfolding of someone’s thinking. It’s improved the quality of my listening. I’m more curious now. Also, I’ve always wanted to be someone who can invite people to be their authentic selves. Intrinsic Coaching® is a way of serving that goal in a much simpler way.

-Something that has impacted me greatly is when you fix, you see life as broken; when you help, you see life as weak; when you serve, you see life as whole. When I remember that, I’m much more able to make the choice and support people in a more valuable way.

-As a result of learning IC® I’m a better listener. I’m more aware of my internal dialogue and can manage that better so I’m working with the other person more.

-Intrinsic Coaching® is an invitation to explore what one wants. It is so caring and supportive and changes the conversation. It allows me to serve people better. It brings out the authenticity of both the coach and the coachee.

-Learning Intrinsic Coaching® has been so impactful. I now listen for clarity, know the difference when someone is working with a strategy or a goal, and can hear the change that takes place when people become clear. Intrinsic Coaching® allows for things to unfold in the natural way they are supposed to.

This group of newly graduated Intrinsic Coach® professionals was led by Certified Intrinsic Coach® Mentor Jodi Sivon.  Congratulations to all! 

Being an Intrinsic Coach®, in every way is a growing experience.

My intention for myself as a Certified Intrinsic Coach® is to apply the techniques I have learned to become a better person both internally and externally.  To allow the application to infiltrate all aspects of my life; emotionally, spiritually, cognizantly, academically, as a spouse, parent, sister, daughter, friend, liaison, co-worker, acquaintance, Christian, volunteer, person living in this world.  To help move people to places they want to be by making them realize they can do this, with a simple thought process.  To increase self-esteem, one step at a time, with a technique that allows for baby steps and successes that are important to each individual. 

Having been given the opportunity to use Intrinsic Coaching® techniques in my work, I have been able to reduce turnover of employees, build people’s confidence in themselves as well as their work and create a work place that is not dreadful to come to.  The success stories are wonderful from the perspective of the employee, the manager and from our Human Resources department. It gives me great joy to see people walk away with a new lease on life, both personally and professionally, because “I” helped them and in reality, they have helped themselves and I encourage them to keep doing the positive things they are now doing for themselves.

Every coaching opportunity brings with it growth potential.  Being involved in other’s lives, lets you grow.  Bringing balance and comfort helps you grow.  Being an Intrinsic Coach®, in every way is a growing experience.  I have learned so much about so many people.  Most importantly for me is that I am very blessed.  I have much more than many people, not as much as some, but that is fine with me, as they have their own set of problems that I do not want. I believe Intrinsic Coaching® will help me to grow in all the ways I have listed in being a member of this earth.  Living is a learning experience.  Coaching in it, helps you to enjoy that life by looking at life from a different perspective; the “I can” perspective.  I like it from that angle.

Regina Welch, MT(ASC), BBA, Certified Intrinsic Coach®
La Porte Regional Health System
La Porte, IN

Learnings from Leaders: As a result of learning Intrinsic Coaching®...

-I've learned that this is a process and a way of thinking.  It has and will forever impact how I talk with people, giving me a different and better way of looking at things and working with people.  As a result I am calmer and I am grateful for learning this!

-I've learned that silence is an important thing and is an opportunity for people to find themselves and their thinking.  I used to fill in the silence, but now recognize that by doing that I was interfering with important thinking.  I now honor the silence and learn so much more about people because of it.

-I want to continue to learn and grow.  Intrinsic Coaching® isn't something I can leave behind (nor would I want to) because it's a part of who I am now.  Learning Intrinsic Coaching® and using Intrinsic Coaching® has profound results.  It's a way of thinking that brings clarity and as a result, hope.

-This series has been great!  Very helpful both professionally and personally.  I've learned how important it is to get clarity in my own and others thinking.  Too often we get stuck in the coulds and shoulds, but with Intrinsic Coaching® I have a way of moving forward.  To gain clarity in what you are wanting is truly a gift!

-This is something I will take with me everyday.  I won't be without it.  Because of Intrinsic Coaching® I've learned I can stay calm and manage myself so I can develop others.  Intrinsic Coaching® has helped me be a better person, has helped my team and has helped others around me.  It's changed my life!

-I'm taking with me so much!  Most importantly, the ability to honor the unfolding (for myself and others), seeing people as people (and the unique person they are) rather than the problem they bring, and devaluing my thinking in order to value the other person's thinking more.  I've experienced such growth and learning and am thankful for the experience.

-I've learned a new way of listening, putting aside my ideas and solutions and really working with that person or client's ideas and solutions.  I've learned by making the choice there is always so much more to work with than I can ever know and I'm always surprised.  What I've learned with Intrinsic Coaching® has impacted both my work and personal relationships.

-I value the process of unfolding!  I've experienced the benefits for myself and have seen what a difference it makes for others.  I want to take this into my life and always carry with me the attitude of service.

This group of newly graduated Intrinsic Coach® professionals/leaders participated in the ICDS-Organizational Coaching and was led by Intrinsic Coach® Mentor Jodi Sivon.  Congratulations to all!

Learnings from Leaders

As a result of learning Intrinsic Coaching®, this is what I have:

Learning Intrinsic Coaching® has changed my whole thought process.  It adds a new dynamic to my conversations and engages people in a positive manner.
Intrinsic Coaching® offers a stress-free way of life!

 

Fragile thinking, forward moving, internal dialogue, best thinking, movement…those are a few important words that come to mind when I think about what I learned.  Intrinsic Coaching® is so applicable across the board.  I’d like to see many more organizations become intrinsic.

 

Intrinsic Coaching® works no matter where you use it.  It’s universal and that’s what I like about it.

 

I want this to be a part of my everyday life.  With Intrinsic Coaching® I have a way of engaging in difficult times and helping people find what’s important so they/we can move forward.

 

I’m more excited to have conversations!  Knowing I don’t have to have all of the answers brings such a sense of relief.  It’s freeing knowing I can now focus on the other person and support them in finding their best thinking (instead of offering my own).

 

It’s exciting to think how forward moving an organization can become with Intrinsic Coaching®!  What stands out the most for me are the core elements of Intrinsic Coaching® and learning to appreciate the value of the unfolding.  It’s fun to see it’s applications in so many aspects of my life.  For me, my goal is for this to be a way of being.

 

Learning Intrinsic Coaching® has taken the pressure off in dealing with difficult situations and has been a stress reducer for me.  I no longer worry about saying the wrong thing because I’m now listening and eliciting people’s thinking.  With Intrinsic Coaching® I can set people up for finding their best thinking.

 

This group of newly graduated Intrinsic Coach® professionals participated in the ICDS-Organizational Coaching and was led by Intrinsic Coach® Mentor Jodi Sivon.  Congratulations to all!

Leaning on Intrinsic Coaching® During the Interview Process...

I've been interviewing for an assistant because I need one badly.  Right now I'm doing just initial phone interviews and with these interviews have taken an Intrinsic Coaching® approach.  I've noticed that Intrinsic Coaching® has helped decrease apprehensiveness in the interviewees and for myself.  I asked some of the typical interview questions such as, "What are your weaknesses? What are your strengths? And When was the last time you had conflict with a co-worker and how did you resolve it?"  Some of the questions seemed somewhat loaded and complicated for people to answer directly.  I could hear the candidates getting apprehensive and even though I'm the employer, I didn't want that energy for them.  I encouraged them to take their time and found myself leaning on Intrinsic Coaching®.  I created a space where they felt safe and began asking questions, such as 'what did you learn from that' and 'what is that telling you about yourself' that opened up their thinking and also enabled me to learn more from them.  They were really intellectual and bright people.  I didn't mean to coach them, it just came out! These great coaching questions! And the interviews not only went smoothly, but were very productive, more so than ones I had in the past.  I think it was because they were given this safe space to do so.  I gave them the silence that they needed to understand that they didn't have be nervous, they could take the time to find their thinking.  Even though it took a minute more to get their words together, it was the right thing that they wanted to say and it was easy to move along from that point.  I set an hour for each of these interviews and each one wrapped up within a half an hour.  It worked out great!  This experience is telling me that I'm an Intrinsic Coach®!

Jazell Andujar
Certified Wellness Specialist, Intrinsic Coach®
Creating Wellness Center, NY Family Chiropractic

 

Now that I'm an Intrinsic Coach®...

What have you learned now that you will have forever?

• I want to cultivate intrinsic thinking (in myself and others) so that it will continue to grow.
• The choice to regard people as capable, creative, and complete even when I may be led to feel or think otherwise.  This always opens up more possiblities.
• The knowledge of I don’t have all the answers.  The coachee has their own answers.  Look for the not merely apparent, and let them figure it out. That’s freedom.
• I’m not in the role to fix people.  I can help them look inside to find what they really want.  The answers are inside of the coachee.
• A logic that will help my clients and myself simplify things, and get to what’s really important.  This brings a lot of clarity and doesn’t complicate things.
• The entire Intrinsic Coaching® approach is a sincere way of approaching/working with people, (listening with a spirit of service, seeing others as capable, creative, and complete).  I will now approach people in a more sincere and holistic way.
• Keeping the methodology alive by staying connected with my own intrinsic (capacity) so I can help and listen with a spirit of service. 
• I feel like I have a new shift in thinking, a new attitude, a solid foundation to build upon.  It has been such a growth period for me.

If it could be described in a word, what’s the greatest gift you’ve given to yourself through this learning experience?

• Silence – appreciation of the silence for myself and others.  I see the value in silence.
• Connection - to inner self for me and the coachee.  Connecting to the coachee in what they want, and how to move forward.
• Learning - there are no mistakes.  You’re always learning.  It’s an on-going process.
• Respect - all these things you’re giving to someone (making The Choice to see them as capable, creative, and complete, listening with a spirit of service)to bring forth their thinking.  You are respecting them as you wish to be respected.
• Presence – to be present with myself and clients.
• Choice – to continue to make The Choice.  I choose to make this choice in order to work with what's not apparent, to keep it going and keep it alive.
• Communication – It is important for me to have good relationships with people professionally and personally.  Better communication through listening, builds into being a better communicator and relating to other people.  Intrinsic Coaching® has given me that.
• Maximize – encompasses everything, in wanting to have the maximum contribution from the coachee (such as) listening with a spirit of service and thinking of the coachee as capable, creative and complete.

This group of newly graduated Intrinsic Coach® professionals was led by Intrinsic Coach® Mentor Deborah Crespo.  Congratulations to all!

Taking an Intrinsic Coaching® approach to a team retreat...

I wanted to let you and the class know what an incredible team retreat we had.  I wanted this retreat to be different and knew that taking an Intrinsic Coaching® approach to the retreat would be very effective.  I only placed two questions to be viewed throughout the weekend...What is important to you today?   What is important to the team today?  We talked about this while we hiked, sat by the fire at night and at the river during the day.  The conversations were rich and very filled with insight.  The level of "safety" was mentioned by the group.  Respect and understanding of any viewpoint was evident.  What a team!

The last morning I asked the question -  what are you taking away from this weekend and moving forward into your life?   I thought there would be a short conversation but it poured forward for 1.5 hours filled with incredible take aways for moving forward.  I received calls all the next week describing how people felt more focused and directed their attention to the goals we had discussed as a team. 

Memories from this retreat are running very strong as there was such beauty and richness to our time together!

I am absolutely sold on Intrinsic Coaching®!  I did very little work other than recording the conversation notes and the outcome was amazing.   

Beth Frydlewicz, MPA, Intrinsic Coach®
System Director
Corporate Volunteer Services
Beaumont Hospitals
Royal Oak, MI

Giving a coachee the power to think better about her choices and the ability to coach herself at anytime, anywhere.

I began coaching a woman in early August 2008.  She had just completed the “Know Your Numbers Campaign” biometric screening conducted by the corporate MinuteClinic at CVS Caremark Customer Support Center.  She received screening for total cholesterol, LDL, HDL, triglycerides, BP, diabetes and BMI.  She tested above normal for cholesterol, BP, diabetes and BMI.  Because she was in a high risk category, she was offered various interventions, including face to face coaching with an onsite Intrinsic Coach®.  She chose to take advantage of Intrinsic Coaching® and so I called her and scheduled 30 minute weekly meetings which began on August 1, 2008.  This is her story.

The first half of the first meeting with her was all Intrinsic Coaching® and I was pleased that I did not fall back into my old habits of “information gathering” and then telling her what to do.  She came prepared with a written copy of her biometric results but I never asked to see them.  After introductions and a brief explanation of Intrinsic Coaching®, my first question to her was, “Given all that you learned from your screening at MinuteClinic, what was it that stood out as most important to you?”  She immediately said that her health was very important because she wanted to “be around” for her family.  She then summarized the results of her screening without giving exact numbers and said she knew that even though her cholesterol and BP were elevated, she knew that her weight was what she felt was important because it was “dragging her down and affecting everything she does.”  She talked about past attempts at weight loss and said she knows what she should do, but just couldn’t do it.  She said every time she went off a diet, she felt like she had failed and things just got worse.   She mentioned feeling like a failure and that every time she ate the wrong food, she felt bad.  It had become a vicious cycle that she wished she could change.

With that I then asked her, “Take yourself to a moment when you are in the cafeteria and you are choosing to eat, what is it you really want in that very moment?” After several moments of thinking, she said, “I’m not sure what I really want in that moment but I know I am not hungry and it is not food!”  She said she realized she was eating for reasons other than hunger and asked “Why am I like this?”  I saw this as an unanswered question and asked her if she would like to spend time in our coaching sessions exploring her question of eating for reasons other than hunger.  She emphatically said “Yes!” 

Although we went on to explore some E and S thinking around the hunger scale, physical signs of hunger, and asking herself the question 'what am I really wanting' before she eats, her intrinsic thinking was definitely informing her extrinsic and systemic thinking.   We ended the session with her stating that she wanted to spend time before our next appointment simply asking herself if she is hungry when she eats.   My “want for” statements for her were:  “I want for you greater insight into your question “What do I want when I eat if it is not food?  I also want for you the good health you are seeking so you will have the time you want with your family.”

Since that first session, my coachee and I have met 7 more times and she is making tremendous progress.  Our sessions always start with me asking what she wants to discuss and she usually wants to give a review of her week with examples of how she is applying her new learning.  She always has a scenario from her week that she highlights – some she was proud of and some she was not.  When she describes a situation, I ask her what she learned that was important and this often leads to zooming in more on what she really wants when she eats.  She has described wanting peace of mind, time by herself, and to be a good example for her children.  Overall she is learning that she eats because she wants to feel better.  When she realizes she is not hungry, she is now able to ask herself “What do I want that would make me feel better right now?”  She knows that she is so accustomed to meeting her needs with food, that eating is the first thing she reaches for when she wants to feel better.  She knows it took a long time to develop this thinking, so she understands it will take a long time to undo it as well.  She is learning to eliminate the words “good, bad, failed, should, etc..  She no longer feels bad about her choices and she stated in our last session that she feels much happier and proud of herself.  We are also using some strategies in the coaching sessions that will help her focus on whether or not she's hungry but only after her intrinsic thinking leads her there and I always ask permission.

I think one of the most important things that this coachee has received is that she has the power to think better about her choices and this will be invaluable as she begins to coach herself.  Practically speaking, when she wants to eat, she now has the ability to ask herself “What is it I really want right now – what will satisfy me now?”   When she isn't hungry but finds herself reaching for food, she has learned to ask herself “What am I wanting now?  My old habit was to reach for food but I’m not hungry so what is it I truly want at this moment besides food?”  Although this is just a start, this ability to coach herself at any time, anywhere will last!  We have discussed that we all change from moment to moment and her choices will be different at different times.  She’s planning on continuing our bi-weekly sessions for the next 2 months as long as our schedules allow; my 30 minutes with her are the highlight of my week!

Claudine Reilly, RN, MA, COHN-S, CHES, Certified Intrinsic Coach®
Wellness Manager
CVS Caremark

As a result of new thinking, I can move forward with life again.

This past summer I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Five weeks after radiation, just when I thought I was through everything, I came down with a staph infection which has been going on for seven weeks now.  I had been getting so frustrated, upset and thinking that I couldn’t move forward with life until I was healed and put it fully behind me.  Lucky for me I’ve been learning Intrinsic Coaching®.

Intrinsic Coaching® has helped me dramatically through this experience.  It taught me that by asking myself what I truly wanted, I can move forward with life again.  Over the weekend as I was taking a walk outside I was thinking about how I really just want to move on.  It suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t need to wait in order to move forward. I thought, “Why do I need to wait? I can choose to emotionally let go of this experience.  I can feel fully alive today, regardless of what might be happening physically to my breast.” With this new thinking I felt such renewed strength and a sense of liberation. 

I feel wonderful.  I feel like now I can get better.  It’s so helpful to apply Intrinsic Coaching® to myself. The methodology teaches us to stimulate new thinking and move forward. Here we are learning about intrinsic thinking and the whole time I’m thinking to myself I want to move forward from my diagnosis, but I was creating a big obstacle for myself with my own thinking.  Now that I have that new thinking I can move forward.  I can choose to move forward right now. I don’t need to wait.  I’ve realized I’ve been holding myself back all this time.  Having that “ah-ha” moment has been really exciting and just liberating. I feel like a new person.

Chris Hyson, M.Ed.
Director of Health and Wellness Education
Cabrini College
Radnor, PA

Intrinsic Coaching® leads to endless possibilities.

With Intrinsic Coaching® I find myself feeling more patient with people, allowing them time and the space to find their thoughts.  By focusing on what they want and exploring these wants I’m no longer rushing through the conversation and am really employing a spirit of service, which is definitely much more satisfying to me and I’m sure to the person I’m talking with.  I’m finding that with what I’m learning it’s a shift in attitude and impacts the way I talk with people.  Seeing the shift in my own attitude, my own thinking and having more satisfying conversations has been really neat for me.  I’m find that Intrinsic Coaching® leads to endless possibilities.  The more I incorporate the principles of Intrinsic Coaching® the more it becomes a way of life, where I’m not having to concentrate on how to do it.  It’s becoming more natural, and this is what is leading to possibilities.  It’s working in my life, professionally, with personal relationships, and within myself.

Chris Hyson, M.Ed.
Director of Health and Wellness Education
Cabrini College
Radnor, PA

Taking an Intrinsic Coaching® to my own thinking was a really great glimpse into my own sense of humanity....

Being on vacation this past week gave me the opportunity to take an Intrinsic Coaching® approach to myself, my business and my life.  It was a chance for me to really explore my options and what I wanted from my future, what I wanted from my future business, what I wanted for myself.  As I explored what I wanted, I found I was really pushing myself and peeling away things in order to expand my thinking and find clarity.  It was challenging, but in doing so, it really helped me look within myself and understand what my own expectations are as I design my business. 

This experience gave me valuable insight into what it’s like to be a coachee.  It can be hard being the coachee as you tap into new thinking.  I can understand why people say “I don’t know.”   It’s easier to say, “I don’t know” than to keep on digging, pushing and exploring oneself to find out what’s important.  But when you do find out what’s important, things really come to light. 

This experience with Intrinsic Coaching® was a really great glimpse into my own sense of humanity and allowed me to be more compassionate with myself. I see that I have limitations too and it’s okay not to be perfect, not to articulate exactly what it is, 100% of the time.  It allowed me to be more open with myself, accepting of myself and got the creative juices flowing as well. It was a very cool opportunity and it really helped me let go of certain expectations and be okay with where I am. In having these new thoughts it also helped to alleviate some of the stress I was placing on myself; it helped take away some of the negativity.  If we can be that compassionate with ourselves, we can be that compassionate with other people too. 

Yvette Sechrist
Entrepreneur
The Community Development Difference
Nashville, TN

Applying Intrinsic Coaching® when I'm running...

I was running the other day and finding the first three kilometers to be really tough.  So I decided to use Intrinsic Coaching® and coach myself through the run.  I had a goal in mind of what I wanted to accomplish with my run, was trying to visualize it and push through that wall when I wanted to stop.  I kept thinking, “What do I want in this run?  What will it look like when I finish?”  I knew I would feel horrible and let down if I stopped.  So, I continued asking myself these types of questions throughout the run as I kept going.  I actually found myself running faster towards the end!  When I finished, I actually ran 7 kilometers which is my farthest distance (5.1 kilometers being the farthest I’ve run in the past).  I’m still in shock that I even did that, but I really think it’s a result of coaching my way through it, the whole distance. 

I’m learning that with Intrinsic Coaching® things like this are possible, because if you had asked me two years ago if I could’ve done that I would’ve said there’s no way.  By becoming clear on what I wanted, keeping that goal in mind and by asking myself questions, I was able to remain focused and continue.  Intrinsic Coaching® lets me stay focused on what I want, even when, in the moment, my internal dialogue might say otherwise.

Diane Girard
Brantford Chiropractic
Brantford, Ontario

Viewing him as capable, creative and complete is opening up so much and making a world of difference..

I’m currently studying gerontology, both in class and out of class (because
my parents are aging).  My dad has Parkinson’s Disease and dementia and has
really gone downhill in this past year.  Since learning Intrinsic Coaching®,
I’ve been able to put into practice some of the skills with my dad, which is
creating more possibilities for me when I think of the field of gerontology,
and bringing more possibilities into our relationship.  For instance, making
the choice to view him as capable, creative and complete is opening up so
much and making a world of difference.  While he’s not the person he used to
be, he still has those elements, those qualities.  He responds back to me so
well when I choose to view him that way.

The other day he came up with the idea that he wanted to go to the grocery
store, which used to be one of his favorite things to do.  He decided he
could ride one of those little motorized scooters at the grocery.  Now, my
first thought was, “Oh my gosh, the displays will be coming down right
and left and people will be scattering.  This could be dangerous.” Then I realized,
“You know what, he has the capabilities to do that. He really does, I’m not
giving him the credit.  He has the capabilities.” So on the way to the store
I continued to remind myself that he was capable, creative, complete. And
you know what?  It worked, bringing benefits to both of us.  He had the time
of his life doing something he enjoyed and felt like he was capable of doing
something again, that he wasn’t helpless.

Choosing to view him as capable, creative and complete really opened it up
and allowed for such a positive experience.  I had been creating a barrier
that didn’t need to be there.  You get very protective and start thinking of
somebody like that as a child and they’re not. He’s still in there and so,
in a way, this experience and viewing him as capable, creative and complete
gave a little bit of him back to me.

Marcia Wilson
Graduate Assistant
Fisher Institute of Wellness and Gerontology
Ball State University
Fishers, IN

MY EXPERIENCE AS A COACHEE

I will never forget one Intrinsic Coaching® session during an Advanced Hours class in 2007.

I asked to be coached about my elderly parents in particularly my mother and my Intrinsic Coach® asked what I wanted for my parents. I listed the typical things one would want for aging parents: a safe environment, reasonably good health, independence for as long as possible, etc., etc..  Then she asked me what those things would look like and I began by saying I thought they may be in need of Assisted Living and that they would be very resistive to that idea.  I thought this would be the path the coaching session would take when suddenly things changed.

My coach then asked me what I wanted for myself as far as my parents were concerned.  Well, the telephone went dead because I had no idea what I wanted for myself.  My coach allowed a long silence in which I began to think very differently.  I finally said that I really did not know what I wanted but I knew something that I did NOT want; I did not want to be my mother’s physical care giver.  After more silence, I began to see some things that I did want:  I wanted to be the best daughter I could be without being a care giver, I wanted to show my gratitude for their love and caring, and I wanted to share good memories that were meaningful to me while I was growing up.  As this new thinking became more clear, it took off like a rocket ship after the call ended.  I began coaching myself around my new goals and what I wanted.   I started helping them with issues they could not handle on their own, like fighting with their insurance company to get a Power Chair approved for my mother, a complete closet makeover so she could reach her clothes more easily, etc.  I bought them the Presto Printing mailbox so they could get emails and photos from me and feel more connected to the family - for the elderly without computers this is a fabulous device!  I made them a scrapbook of memories and I verbalized many more “thank you’s” and”I love you’s.”

This Intrinsic Coaching® session had profound effect on my life because my mother died very suddenly 6 months later.   If I had not had this clarity of thinking, I would have been stuck with issues that were not as important.  My relationship with my parents was so much improved in those last months.  Not that it was perfect; my mother was very needy and being with her could be very irritating but I had learned to cope with the shortcomings and stick to my own goals of being the best daughter I could be on my own terms.  In addition, this was a good example of how the coaching goes on long after the 10 minute session is over.  I will forever be thankful to my Intrinsic Coach® and only hope that I can serve my own coachees by helping them increase their own intrinsic capacity which can make their lives better as well! 

Claudine Reilly, RN, MA, COHN-S, CHES, Certified Intrinsic Coach®
Wellness Manager
CVS Caremark

Five reflective statements on becoming an Intrinsic Coach®...

(1) Before I was an Intrinsic Coach®, I used to pre-judge people based on what I knew of them, on what was merely apparent. Now I view everyone as creative, capable and complete and, because I see everyone as a unique and individual person like no other, I have greater respect and expect they will find their own solutions as they increase intrinsic thinking.

(2) Before I was an Intrinsic Coach®, I tried to “fix” people because, after all, I was the expert and thought as long as I could give them all that I knew; they would absorb it all and change their behavior.  Now I hold back my expertise and listen with a spirit of service for what is important to them.

(3) Before I was an Intrinsic Coach®, I got frustrated and exhausted because I kept working harder to make people better.  I used to say, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.”  I have learned that Intrinsic Coaching® helps people learn they are thirsty and they drink all own on their own.  My work is easier and I don’t have to work so hard.  Of course, that is after training; at first it is very difficult to hold back expertise and to manage my thinking – that is a lot of work until it becomes easier with practice, practice, practice.

(4) Before I was an Intrinsic Coach®, I used to think that I always knew what was best for people.  I would think “If they only could……, they would feel so much better.”  Now I know that people have their own answers and solutions inside of them.  It is the job of the Intrinsic Coach® to elicit their own best thinking so motivation comes from the coachee, not the coach, and results will last.

(5) Before I was an Intrinsic Coach®, I got more pleasure from my own successes when I thought I had helped someone.  “Wow I must have done a great job!” Now I radiate pleasure & happiness when I see someone else succeed in learning what it is they want & what it is that’s important to them.  I know their success comes from within them, not me, and I feel so happy for them.  This results in a genuine connection between coach and coachee that I think was missing in the past.  

Claudine Reilly, RN, MA, COHN-S, CHES, Certified Intrinsic Coach®
Wellness Manager
CVS Caremark

The boundaries of Intrinsic Coaching® are endless...it's encompassing my life.

The more I’m learning about Intrinsic Coaching®, the more I’m seeing how I use it in my every day life.  For instance, my nephew was over at the house and a bunch of the kids were playing on a huge trampoline with an enclosure.  They were all jumping on the trampoline, taking turns and at one point I noticed that they were just jumping, so I thought, “Wouldn’t it be fun to get everybody to do something else on the trampoline? Like seat drops, where you sit on your bottom and stand back up.” My nephew was really struggling to do this and so I was helping him and explaining to him how to do it.  He was getting better every single time but I kept verbally moving him along as he mastered one skill and then needed more assistance.

At one point I had given him all the assistance he needed and I thought, “Something’s wrong.”   Even as I said it out loud it had finally occurred to me that even though it was on a trampoline, this was a coaching moment.  At first I thought it was something with his body and then I realized what was wrong was me and the approach I was taking.  I realized the thing I needed to do was be quiet and let him pay attention to what he was noticing because I’d given him all the instruction and by going on and on I was just paralyzing him.  The more I was quiet and asked him to keep going with what he was noticing the more he progressed and finally got it.  It was because he was listening to his own body and paying attention to what he needed to do.

This interaction with my nephew was such a powerful learning for me.  Like so many of my colleagues here, I don’t have a lot of formal coaching conversations because I’m not coaching clients, but I do work with people and I interact with them on a daily basis.  I’m realizing the boundaries of Intrinsic Coaching® are endless and I’m finding that it’s encompassing my life, from everything to listening to my husband, speaking with my children, my nephew, my relationship with others, seeing an appreciation for the people that are around me. Instead of being impatient, I’m really taking the time to look deeper.  It’s just amazing to me what I’m seeing. 

Lori Maggin
Wellness and Fitness Educator
Bethesda, MD

 

Now that I'm an Intrinsic Coach®...

These are some things I've learned that I want to continue to build upon:

• Turning down my internal dialogue and genuinely listening allows me to work with the coachee's thinking instead of my own.

• Knowing that I don’t have the answer for people. They have their own answers and that's what I want to work with.

• That it is not about what I want for people but what they want for themselves.

• Knowing that people have everything they need inside of them and to offer the support I can give so they can find the strengths that they always had.

• The ability to turn down my internal dialogue and really see the other person in ways I didn’t before and letting them find their way which is the best way.

• I learned more patience with others and myself, giving more time to be silent and think. Change does not necessarily happen immediately, so give them the time they need as it’s an ongoing process.

• Not focusing on the negative, but instead focusing on forward moving questions.

• I continue to see that everyone has the capability to think intrinsically. I used to put people in boxes, now I see they are all capable of thinking intrinsically.

• Allowing people to figure out for themselves with forward thinking instead of being stuck in conversation. I focus more on what they want versus what they don’t want.

These are some important changes I'm seeing in myself as a result of learning Intrinsic Coaching®:

• I’m more aware when I talk to people. I used to cut people off and try to fix them or their situation, but now I serve people, listen more and ask questions more.

• I used to procrastinate because I couldn’t make up my mind. Now when I feel the inability to decide I ask myself what I want and figure it out.

• I’m more open to what other people have to say and what they are needing or wanting from kids to clients. I know I don’t have the answers for them. I’m less judgmental now.

• Feeling more accomplished and efficient. Asking myself what do I want simplifies life on many levels.

• I tend to appreciate the uniqueness in everyone. Makes it easier to view people as capable, creative and complete.

• I’m making better decisions and don’t dwell on it so long anymore because I’m more confident in my decisions and see myself as capable, creative and complete.

• I’m not second guessing myself. Now I ask what is really important right now and take away things that are not important. I’m decluttering my life.

• I listen better to people.

• I live more in the moment. Change builds on itself so just decide today about what is important and you don’t need to worry about next week as it will build.

This group of newly graduated Intrinsic Coach® professionals was led by Intrinsic Coach® Mentor Tracy Larsen.  Congratulations to all!

Taking an Intrinsic Coaching® approach proves to be very powerful for both the coach and coachee.

I’m finding as people get to better understand Intrinsic Coaching® they’re more open to exploring other areas of their life.  I have been working with a coachee on a health issue.  During one of our conversations the coachee, whom is a main leader in our organization, had a challenging work situation and I said, “If you want, we can coach on that a little and try and help you find a little more clarity and get some better thinking on that.  Would you want to do that?” He agreed it would be beneficial.  And in that conversation the coachee had some new thinking that came to a relationship between him and his supervisor.  As I listened to him, I offered him something I was noticing.   It was something as simple as, “It sounds like there’s more there that you’re thinking.”  He stopped, thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah.”  He went on from there and rea lized he wanted to have a conversation with his supervisor but was apprehensive to.  We continued from there and explored what he was wanting until he thought he was at a good place.  At that place you could tell there was an ah-ha moment for him when that intrinsic snapped into place and he was seeing things more clearly. 
 
Until recently, I hadn’t seen him for a while. He came in and we were talking about the conversation and he said, “You know, I want to go back and share with you a little bit about what happened.” He continued, “It gave me the courage to have the conversation I needed to have.” He was so grateful for that coaching because he was really able to think more about the situation, gain clarity in what he was wanting and move forward from there.  It was neat to hear how valuable the conversation was for him to get clear on that and how it gave him the courage to have a difficult conversation. He even said, “You didn’t judge me, you didn’t tell me I had to do anything.”  It was really his conversation, his thinking, his outcome.  He owned it. 
 
Listening to him and the conversation we had, I know what an impact it had on the organization and probably the fifty other employees that are going to benefit from him being able to move forward.  Taking an Intrinsic Coaching® approach to our conversation proved to be very powerful, both for me and for him.

Stephanie Downs, MS, Intrinsic Coach®
City of Ames, Health Promotion Coordinator